MY NEW YEAR’S BEAUTY RE{SOLUTIONS}

This year (I know, I know, I'm eight days behind schedule), I'm abandoning any attempts at originality and commandeering everybody else's resolutions. It's because I'm lazy, and also because last year's resolution (to not lose pencils) was a failure. So, if you're similarly uninspired, just steal mine. I honestly won't mind (or notice) - I'll be far too busy shouting b*gg*r "damn'n'blast it!" every time I forget to remember what mine are (ie: often).

Zone Out... because even when I think I'm zen, I'm still checking social media/whatsapp (I rue the day) and bombarding my senses with a stream of - frequently entirely pointless - information (sorry friends, you're all exceedingly inter-esting). I've bought a colouring book and am going to colour it - because 'colouring in' is one of very few things that permits concentration and the formation of REAL THOUGHTS, without my brain going into spasm.

WWNMD?  Or, WhatWouldNancyMitfordDo? One will ask oneself this question in all times of extreme crisis ("Should I sport a Vermillion, or a Coccinelle lip with these dungarees?") and everything will, undoubtedly, be well.

WWMTD? Or, WhatWouldMargotTenenbaumDo? Listen to Nico and apply more eyeliner. Obvs.

Drink more good stuff... I don't think three glasses of whole milk and five coffees count as part of one's daily '2 litre' water allowance. Will swap coffee for peppermint tea... er, sometimes.

Wash mucky face... because cleansing five nights out of seven does not a glad face make (sorry face). Oskia's Renaissance Cleansing Gel and this kinky-looking pink thing (Foreo's LUNA) are my allies. Will resemble Botticelli's Venus in mere days.

Use eye cream... there are some angry crows outside who want their feet back.

Care for hair... birds have enough nests. Sachajuan's Intensive Repair Oil (currently free if you spend £40 on Sacha Baron-Cohen Sacha-gorgeousness) is lightweight yet ideal for nourishing dehydrated ends.

Protect my hands... because I do not want a Botticelli face (see above) and a pair of gnarly old paws sticking out of my sleeves. Collars and cuffs must match (just ask Nancy (see above again)).

Which beauty resolutions are you making? Let us know in the comments below (I'm a poet and I didn't know it), or tweet